(NaturalNews) New York Governor Cuomo began yesterday’s Ebola press conference by gently waving his hand at reporters and uttering, “These are not the droids you’re looking for.”
When that didn’t work, he pulled out a pocket watch and let it swing back and forth like a pendulum, slowly repeating “Ebola is hard to catch. Ebola is hard to catch. You are feeling sleepy…”
As anybody with a brain has figured out by now, everything we’re being told about Ebola by government authorities is a distortion, a contradiction or an outright lie. But what are the best lies and contradictions we’ve heard so far?
Here’s the list:
#1) We are wearing space suits just because they make us look cool
There’s absolutely no risk that Dr. Spencer infected anyone in New York City, which is why we are going to closely monitor four people he came into contact with.
We do that because we like to monitor random people for no real reason.
#2) We are fully prepared for an outbreak which will never happen
There is almost zero risk of Ebola ever coming to New York City, which is exactly why we have been preparing for an Ebola outbreak in New York City.
#3) Ebola is so hard to catch that we can’t believe anyone managed to catch it
Ebola is hard to catch. It’s so hard to catch that the world’s best-trained doctors accidentally caught it without even knowing they did.
We don’t understand how this happens, unless Ebola was easy to catch, which it isn’t. Trust us. We are expert virologists when we’re not running for office and making political promises we’ll never keep.
#4) Please quarantine yourself even though you don’t need to
Ebola can’t possibly be spread by people who don’t show any symptoms, but we would prefer that doctors who return from West Africa quarantine themselves for 21 days even when they show no symptoms.
But even when doctors break those self-quarantine rules, we will praise them and talk about how much they “tried” to limit their exposure to the public.
#5) Riding the subway is a form of self-quarantine
Dr. Spencer is so awesome! He “tried” to limit his exposure to the public, and he did that by riding the subway, sharing an UBER vehicle and hanging out at bowling alleys with his fingers touching his [bowling] balls.
Written by Mike Adams
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